Friday, June 26, 2015

The Scarlett R

This summer it will be two years since I began writing about the Family and some of my experiences. It's strange looking back at who I was then, and how it has changed in this short time.

My anger and paranoia has ebbed. I haven't completely lost the need to get things out, but it is definitely dulled. I guess I have come to accept certain things, especially that not everyone in the Family has experienced the same things as me, and therefore won't have the same level of anger in certain respects. Also, I realize that nothing has happened- I have been writing  but they really have no power over me, and they don't know who I am. And, I have been able to look at the group and other members from a different perspective. However, I notice that many former members are unable to see it from any perspective outside of their own long-ago experience. There are just as many present members who also refuse to accept that anything is wrong at all. Those of us who are willing to share the things that happened to us personally in the context of the cult are called liars, spiteful, vindictive, evil and hateful. Some people insist on believing that the group is one big pedophile ring and others refuse to believe there is any systemic abuse at all. Niether is correct.
For me, my rape, or more accurately my long-term sexual abuse is an integral part of my experience in the Family. They can't be seperate because the experiences are deeply intertwined. My life in the Family is a huge part of my abuse and it's aftermath. And my abuse is a large part of who I am, who I have been and where my life has gone. I never realized that until recently, and actually, I have spent most of my adult life refusing to remember or feel or even to accept that someone other than myself may be responsible for what happened to me.

I didn't start this as a blog about rape, and I don't want it to be about that. I have tried to veer away from the subject because I thought it isn't really a part of the Family framework. I guess I believed that it was only isolated incidents, or mostly just the dysfunctional families on the fringe who are no longer involved.  But I have to talk about it because no matter what other people experienced, if even one of us is abused within the cloak of Jack's family, then it is about the group as a whole.
Because really, what is the main thing that is emphasized by Jack and everyone else? It's unity, and "psychic unity" and the whole idea that none of us is an individual, but a part of each other, a collective whole. What is it Jack always said? "We are only as strong as our weakest block" Each one of us is a stone in the temple, and it can't be built with missing stones, or weak stones. The Family is supposedly praying and meditating for the "Unity of Israel" as well as unity and love among each other.

How, then, can any one of us say that past abuse doesn't matter? Or that certain individuals aren't important enough to stand up for? If you can stand there as a Family member and say that you "Love" your neighbor as yourself, and that you are a "light" and that your purpose is to spread light and positive energy in the world, then tell me, please, why is it so hard to put that into action? Why can't you ask the hard questions? Why are the things that have happened to some of us by others of us swept under the rug?
If you want to be a part of this family, and really want it to be something positive, then why not stand up for that, seek the truth, and change things for the better? Otherwise it's dishonest. And if you are not willing to accept that the bad things that have happened are a part of what the Family is and was, then you really are living in an illusion.

Those of us who have been hurt shouldn't have to hide and be ashamed. We shouldn't have to be afraid to feel, or afraid to express ourselves in fear of creating "broken shalom" or gossiping. I was raped and felt marked from the very beginning. I hated myself, and I was afraid to tell anyone because I was sure I wouldn't be believed, or that I would get in trouble. And I think those things could have very possibly happened. People were more concerned with Jack's image of them, and being "righteous"  than admitting they had a problem, or someone else in their clan had a problem. Everyone wanted, more than anything, to be special in Jack's eyes. So, people couldn't see, or refused to see things that were happening right under their noses.


To add insult to injury, being raped becomes a mark on a woman in the Family because now she cannot be considered a virgin. This makes her unsuitable for marriage, especially to a priest. Jack specifically went into this  when several women were discussing the origins of our souls during their Rosh Chodesh gatherings, and how being raped may affect the soul of your children. Just the fact that there were women in the family concerned about this should tell you something.

As I have said before, there was a lot of emphasis by Jack on the conceiving the correct type of soul, and semen. He was obsessed with "the seed".
What it comes down to is that the man's semen holds the essence of his soul. A woman is, well, just an incubator when it comes to her baby's soul. A man's purpose is to increase his "house" (a lot of this comes from Pedersen's "Israel: It's Life and Culture"). Each wife and consequent child is another shoot on his tree. A wife joins the man's household, and becomes his family.
A woman's sexual history is of utmost importance because any time a man's semen enters a woman's body, the essence of that man's soul is there, forever. If a woman is not a virgin, then you cannot know which man's soul has been passed to that child. Basically, your child could be some other man's spiritual child. This is especially important for priests. Because the priestly line must remain pure, he is ONLY allowed to marry a woman who is a virgin. So, any woman in the Family who wants to marry a priest must divulge her sexual history so it can be determined if she is technically a virgin. It's not just sex- because semen cannot enter the body, then a woman who has never had intercourse, but got semen into her body, orally or otherwise, is not a virgin. On the flip side, a woman who has had intercourse, but has always used a condom may be determined to still be a virgin by the elders.
A man's sexual history? It doesn't matter. The only important thing is to make sure that your child from a woman is only yours.
So, understandably, there were women who were upset by this, and wanted to know about cases of rape in which the woman was forced and had no control of the situation. Jack's response was that it made no difference. Sex was sex, semen was semen. The raped woman has the further burden of knowing that any future child she has may contain the essence of her rapist's soul.
So, it's not the rapist who bears any consequence, it's the woman, and if she does the proper thing and lets the elders know her sexual status, she gets to walk around as marked "unsuitable".
I digress, but this is how the Family manages to further stigmatize a woman instead of the man who is actually responsible for his actions.


As hard as I've tried, I cannot separate my abuse from my experience in the family. It is all a part of who I am. My physical and sexual abuse was a part of my life. There is no separation, it is thoroughly intertwined. And if it is my story, then it is part of the Family's story. I will not marginalize myself because it doesn't fit what people want to see or believe. I have spent my whole life doing that. Honestly, I cannot reconcile the fact that I was raped, bruised, and there for everyone to see, yet no one noticed. I know I wasn't the same after that. Why didn't anyone notice? Why did my abuser as well as others be allowed to continue? It infuriates me. Finally. I spent so many years not feeling anything at all, refusing to acknowledge the things that were there under the surface. I had to push it away because I had to continue seeing this man well into adulthood. And every time I did I felt the same way he made me feel back then. All it takes is a little look or wink, or grin- and I feel disgusting and fearful again. I know when he looks at me he remembers every disgusting thing he did to me. I don't want him to be able to remember. It's like he owns a part of me I can never get back.
I did a great job keeping everything buried until more recently. Reading the other blogs and starting this one opened up a lot of dormant emotions and memories. I wanted to get the truth out there, but I didn't expect it to have the emotional toll it did. I thought time would lessen the memories, dull them. It hasn't, it's become an open festering sore. I still can't talk about it, but I can write about it a little bit, and writing some of these things still helps.

I know I briefly touched on the ways my abuse has affected my life, but at the time it was just starting to become apparent to me. Two years later I am just starting to deal with it, and trying to figure out how to do that. I have realized that time and distance does not erase what happened. It will just wait there, as raw as when it first began. I also realize that I can't deal with this while remaining connected to the same people that surrounded me then. They were such a huge part of my situation, and how I dealt with it.  I can't live with the constant possibility of contact with him, reminders, or interacting with people while pretending everything is okay. I really do need to make a clean break or this stuff will stay here forever.
I don't want to feel marked, or somehow wrong anymore..
The family says forgiveness should be the most important thing. We are not supposed to hold grudges, and need to learn to move on. A member can NOT have any unresolved issues against another member, or there is broken shalom, and it affects the entire Family negatively.
They are clueless. I suppose I am guilty of "broken shalom" because here is what I have that is unresolved against another person, and that I can't just "move on" from:
I have spent years being a shell of myself. I am unable to get too close to anyone. I wake up feeling like I am suffocating with his hand was over my face so I can't breathe or scream. The pain that came next when I thought I was going to die. When these things come back, I feel physically sick. And I can'r control when they come back, especially when I am sleeping. I can never quite shake the feeling that there is something wrong with me. It feels like everyone can see it in me, or somehow know. I still feel that I did something to cause it, even though I know, intellectually, that I had no control. It's the things I wrote about in the first couple months of this blog.
The hardest thing, even more than the rapes themselves was the awful realization that I was thoroughly alone. No one could see me, and no one cared. I know that if anyone paid attention, they would have noticed something. I couldn't say anything and I couldn't stop it. I needed someone to see and stop it, but no one did. That was on them. The fact that this man had access to me, and others is on them. And so it kept on happening for more than 2 years. People knew who the abusers were. As I have said before, being raised in the Family made it easy to lie and pretend that everything was okay. In a way, it was the family that groomed me to be the perfect target for this guy.  And he was protected while I was left alone. In fact, I helped protect him by not speaking a word about what was happening, to anyone, ever. I stayed silent until I began writing this blog.

Earlier posts about Abuse

Abuse

abuse

So while I have come to terms with other people's decision to stay involved in the Family, I have also come to terms with my own full experience. I may be labeled a traitor, or a liar or worse because I write this blog. But this is my story. This is my experience, and I grew up in the same Family every other member did. I see things differently than I did two years ago, but it makes me so angry that the Family has tried to marginalize those of us who have been hurt simply for saying what happened. Why would anyone want to be a part of something that values a person who hurts others more than the people who are hurt?

I ask myself pretty often how things will change if I walk away completely. I wonder if these things will be easier to come to terms with. I know no one wants to hear about this stuff- it's uncomfortable and icky. But I have to, at least right now. The old ways aren't working anymore.


23 comments:

  1. Wow. You are such a beautiful writer. I'm certain that your blog is going to help people for many years.
    I also think that the family needs to understand the definition of forgiveness .
    Forgiveness is the cancellation of debt. For example , a credit card company would offer debt forgiveness if they cancelled your debt. You would owe them nothing. You would stop making payments. There would be no more interaction.
    If the family wanted to be forgiving they would let you walk away without trying to hurt you emotionally or make you pay.
    I think they're mean and unforgiving. That's pretty outrageous when you think about it. You've spent your whole life forgiving them. You never made them pay for what they did.
    They're hypocritical . But your writing about your personal journey is going to help so many people . When you wrote about feeling so alone I was really able to relate. I suddenly had very vivid memories of those same exact feelings of shame and loneliness . Victims don't owe anything to the abusers. We don't owe them any loyalty and we don't owe it to them to take partial responsibility for the abuse and we don't owe it to them to keep silent . They need to forgive and stop making us feel indebted to them. Isn't it disgusting when the unforgiving abuser tries telling their victims to be forgiving?
    Thanks for your blog.

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  2. You are full of it. There is no way a kid is raped and noone notices. The damage would be serious. What is your real agenda? Be honest because you are obviously not being honest to everyone you are pretending to. You are a liar. You have chosen a path you can never turn back from. You and only you will have to live with the consequences. You are a liar. A liar. What sick fantasy is this fulfilling for you? You want tp be a victim? Great, now everyone feels bad for you and thinks your so great for talking. Except your a liar and responsible for making waves for notjing but your own ego. Nothing but good has been created in my life. You are a bitter spiteful person. Leave in prace and let others live in peace. What is the purpose in taking innocents down with you? Watch your back. Obviously you can't always trust appearances. Watch your back.

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    1. Dear Anonymous,
      The damage is serious. Read the blog. Your statement just proves how clueless you are and further shows all that read this blog... See, this is why this cult still exists. Brainwashed and indoctrinated. Their parents drank the Kool- Aide and chose to be blind and be led like sheep and they passed it on to their children. How can you call her a liar? Do you know her? Do you know what happens behind any family's closed doors? Watch your back??? Are you threatening her? Is that what this peaceful, loving, spiritual group you belong to teach??? You just further prove how divisive and destructive this group was and still is. Thank You for bearing witness for all to see that this group and Jack did harm and if there was a repeat and may still be of what happened in the 80's, You all would still have no boundaries and protect the predators instead of the victims. How is she taking innocents down with her? She is just telling her story. Why is this so disturbing to you?You should be disturbed that this happened. The fact that you are so defensive and threatening is disturbing to me.

      Nothing but good has been created in your life? Wow! Read your post. You really don't sound like you're coming from any good place.

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  3. Wow, did she hit a nerve or what? You sound pretty bitter and spiteful yourself, Anon2. And it's not "your," it's "you're." You know, like "you're a nut job." Glad to hear she's making waves, thanks for the update!

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  4. Broken shalom. What a joke. The shalom was broken from the beginning with so many lies, deceptions and manipulations.

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  5. He/she is looking for a reaction. Don't take the bait- they look stupid enough on their own.

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  6. I hope your writing and sharing ends up helping people. I think it will. You’ve given people both in and out of the group some important things to think about and ultimately act on. In some ways I think you are putting some light on what the group could have become if it had been able to grow with some of the good things we were taught – finding additional meaning in them instead of distorting them or just losing sight of them. It can still happen for people inside and for those who have left. Maybe for some it has been all good, I don’t know. I haven’t experienced any of the worst things but I certainly sense stagnation. You’ve done a lot. You don’t have to do it all yourself.

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  7. I love the honesty and open way that you write. Your blogs these past years, picked up after Freckles stopped writing, but both of your blogs are very serious and important.

    I blame your parents. They all made decisions to look the other way, concerning the self admitted claims by Jack of sucking the seed.

    You need to know that 950 people moved on. They saw clearly what a fraud, and lying evil person Jack was. About 50-70 families stayed underground, supporting Jack and Gary financially as they traveled. basically avoiding the police.

    Your parents think they are the most "important" people in the community because they all have a need for titles. Their egos are fragile. They all play dress up. It is absurd.

    Your parents hid the truth from you, and let you go to a youth retreat run by a pedophile. Your parents need to feel important, and they gave you to Jack, like lambs to slaughter, so that he could teach his way to all of you.

    I don't blame the second generation. Until Freckles found the article about The Sins of Abba, and started posting info, as Pnina did, none of you even knew this stuff.

    But it has been 4 years now. Simply me, has told gut wrenching stories as she comes to her own peace with all of this.

    So to the second generation, you have a responsibility to pressure your parents, elders, kings, etc and find out how much this is truly like a pyramid scam. Because you have been given all the information. This second generation could realize that they believe in pedpohilia because that was Jack's most important message. The passing of the seed.

    Open your eyes, and make decisions based on knowledge, and not fear. Simply's last 2 posts have said it all.

    Simply, you are a warrior. And you have grown so much through your writing. Countless people wait for your next post. Whatever you do, you know the truth, and you can make whatever decision you want to stay or leave, but you know the truth and will not pass this nonsense down to your children.

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  8. I am a part of the family and I do not concur with "anonymous" above. His reaction makes little sense and does not represent the mindframe of most people I know.
    I am sincerely sorry for what you have endured. It cannot be easy to share your most intimate struggles with an audience. I do not believe that the people I am close to would hide or deny abuse, however I am aware that nobody can be completely certain.
    Please understand that the comments that are supposedly defending the family do not represemt our beliefs or our values.
    Regarding our friend George, I do believe he is no longer a part of the family, but he will visit Maine periodically.
    I wish you peace and healing.

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    1. Anonymous,
      I don't know how old you are, I'm guessing 30's and you're one of the children of members who were around during the Long Island days. If you are then your parents were aware of abuse ( but Jack spiritualized it away and they chose to accept their Leader's behavior as okay) So they were aware. If you are talking about you and your friends, then because you weren't allowed to read Newsday about what happened on L.I. because Jack and your parents or that age group were told it was la hasharah and or whatever the Hebrew word is,these people you are close with they did hide it and deny it.And don't think nobody knew about what happened to Simply or Freckles and all the rest, people knew. This is your group maybe not your immediate group but what makes you think that the same pressures, mind games and guilt trip wouldn't be played on the people you're close to and that they would feel they had to keep their mouths shut and keep the secret because the alternative would be too difficult to face after all these years in a cult and the only life and people they always knew. You have been so indoctrinated with this isolationism, it's all you know and believe, your friends wouldn't have anywhere to go. And if you buy into the hierarchy , if the elders, or M.Van , the King tell you to say nothing, they'll handle it, the people you are close to , I'm sure would let it go. so think about it. The people I'm close with did hide and deny the abuse, still to this day!

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  9. Dear Simply,
    No the old ways aren't going to work anymore. It may be helpful for your recovery if you seek help from a professional at a rape crisis center or a counselor who works with women who are victims of sexual abuse/ child sexual abuse. Of course you being a victim of a known rapist who was allowed access to children and then to add further insult to injury, the cult protects him and ignores the victim further victimizes these girls. Shalom was broken when he first put a hand on you. He owns that but when he wasn't prosecuted, shunned and didn't have his ass thrown out, that, the family cult is guilty of and there is no shalom. There can be no shalom or unity when predators are allowed to harm children and take their innocence. what the hell kind of family, community is this? Nothing good in God's eyes. This guy was allowed to be unrepentant and be allowed to continue this evil behavior? You are nowhere near forgiveness. You are just starting to allow yourself to remember and feel the feelings. The shame is all on them. Forgiveness will be for your healing, for yourself to be at peace. I don't think it is good to have to be in his presence. I can imagine it would trigger the traumatic memories. Take care of yourself. Detaching and getting some distance from these people may be what you need to do to go forward and finally deal with the past, not repress or try to forget but feel all the feelings then you can leave it in the past and be free.

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  10. Jack twisted this group by using a phony religious pretext when he was caught with his pants down. After jack master-bated teenage boys, anyone who swallowed his explanation and left him as their spiritual leader became incapable of independent judgment on sexual boundaries. Those who remain are demented and can't appropriately punish sexual assault such as what happened to you, Simply.

    I'm sorry for what you have gone through and it is an outrage that this group has done nothing except stigmatize you and leave you in torment. Jack was truly a cruel misogynist and so are his sycophants. Unfortunately, there is no way for you to ever heal in proximity to the rapist or this group. You will need to make the choice to remove yourself from the whole situation..

    Anon 6/27/15, you are an asinine coward. Why don't you take your balls out of the jar, identify yourself and admit that you are the rapist.

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  11. I think that, as family members, we had an expectation that we should identify with and support anyone who is mistreated – whether or not we were mistreated ourselves. There is need within the family to deeply repent and to search intensely to identify an appropriate way to make restitution. Whether we were aware at the time or not, it happened on our watch. We were responsible to change the culture and apparently we didn’t create a culture that eliminated misogynistic and sexual abuse. It also appears that we failed (at least in part) to build a culture that encouraged souls to soar, freely associate, freely follow the divine, interact positively with the world, and to think critically. I think a lot of people wanted and intended to do that, but what matters is what’s real, not fantasy. Although a mistreated person is in a unique position to forgive, it’s not appropriate for those who let the abuse happen to demand that the victim forgive. It also seems important that you take care of yourself. It seems obvious from what you describe that taking care of yourself means going outside the family for support. (At least it seems obvious to us, based on limited info.) Thanks for writing the things you wrote. Maybe it will help someone. Praying for your search for peace and wholeness…

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    1. Dear evytr616, (Part one of two)

      It sounds to me like you are an open minded individual who is still in the family. My question to you, is how did your parents explain away what happened to the community in 1982? Did they tell you about the meetings that Nancy Boles called and insisted that Jack answer the questions, posed by the majority, concerning all of his trips, for years, with taking special boys to Maine? How he admitted what happened to these boys, concerning his own sexual behavior with underage boys, who had to "suck his dick" to get the seed...as the only way for Jack to pick the warriors and princes to come...they needed seed.

      Chances are, your father or uncles swallowed this seed. And like young victims, they identified with their abuser, and did not have anyone else to go to for help. So Jack made it ok....more than ok...because these were some of the most important "people" in the family. And he used this incident, of a chance to say, that although almost 1000 families left out of disgust, and deep regret in to not probing further themselves, they left and started new lives.

      Where did the money go that the 1000 families, who were tithing at least 20% get spent on? Was there any official accounting of this money, and was any of it returned?

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    2. Or was it spent on Jack and Gary's lifestyle from 1982-1996? Do you truly know what they were doing during that time? Did you ever think to check with the police or sexual abuse offenders, to see if they were running away from being caught? Too bad, that we did not have the internet back then. Jack would have been caught.

      And lastly, do you all realize that you are a part of a grand pyramid scheme that Jack started? Do you know, that we were told we would be kicked out of the kingdom of God if we did not recruit a certain # of people by certain dates. I know I took this seriously. Thinking we were bringing more people to our beautiful religious group. But in actuality, it was to recruit as many people as possible, take the tithes, gifts and money, and have no one be accountable (shame on us for not demanding it) to see true audited financial statements done by an outside accounting firm?

      Your parents were a lot like us. They went along with all this stuff, because it was the days of cults, of hippie children, of Catholic and Protestant groups all speaking in tongues and people were very willing to come with us when we would invite them to a service. I think the entire original community were the best Sales People in Long Island. Because we brought people in, and then very slowly, over months, when it seemed that they might understand, did we ever start to tell them the first version of the truth? The majority of us did not know the depths of corruption that were going on.

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    3. Do you realize that if Nancy Boles did not stand up, as a parent, and as a student of Jack's since she was a child, and presented all of the information so that people could actually think, without the priests, elders, and gunsmen, staring down and threatening them? And then the people went to Jacks mansion, where he acted like a simple pedophile who explained it away, just like any sex offended today does as well.

      And research shows that most sex offenders cannot be cured...they can only take medication to decrease their sexual urges. Their desires do not go away.
      Their desires do not go away.

      During the last 4 years or so, I have not heard one person in the family explain how their parents explained all of this, and that as people who should have souls to soar, and to think critically (your words)....how does this happen.

      I am ashamed of many things we did as a community or family, way before Jack's seed became the focal point. But this was a family, that although filled with "good" people, started judging others critically, telling them they would die if not join our family, and in retrospect, we were being manipulated from the very very beginning. So I often think shame on us for staying so long, that it tool an illegal action, done many times, with no plans on stopping it, for people to get shocked to their core. It helped people make the obvious decision...which was to leave...however every person who left, as they grew in to new lives, realized how many we had hurt, in the name of Jesus, J'Shua, whatever....we had become members of a cult. CULT.

      At the time we all lived near each other. And maybe because you are spread out across the US, you don't have to really think about the implications of a CULT. But many of you are there, because you won't respond honestly to people on these blogs. For the most part, except for a few obvious idiots, like the poster of June 27.

      Wouldn't it be amazing for the leadership to be honest with you, about everything? I hope they would open up. I did some cruel things to others, in the name of God, way before the Semen came out of the closet. I have my regrets. I don't look at any of you with cruelness or even disdain.

      I just look at an administration and it's people, who by and large are afraid to post. Or to start their own blog. Or better yet, give us a sermon, an explanation on You tube. For the old, for the 1st and second generations, and for even the first generations, who I am sure know in their hearts, that their lives could have been quite different, if they did not have to suppress their questions.

      You see...we were you. Successful smart good looking people who lived a double life. And we lied in many many ways. Maybe you all think that this is US against YOU, but it is the furthest from the truth.

      It is just simply US and YOU wanting to know the truth from the leadership, and then the freedom to search your own souls. It's not about ripping you away from your families, it's saying...look at us....the first generation who knows everyone of your parents....and hearing why they decided to secretly stay in, and why we decided to leave. And why so many of us left before the SEMEN swallow of Jack Hickman became fact. Call Joe Berger at the NY times. He spent a year undercover. I've called him. There are no secrets as far as he is concerned.

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    4. I am not sure how to edit this...Simply me, perhaps you can elp. It was part 1,2,3. Thank you.

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    5. I’m not sure how it is throughout the whole family. Among the people with whom I interact, the things you mentioned have been part of the discussion.

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    6. Speaking about the $$money$$... When the church was St. John's there were ministries. Bible studies in Bushwick, families sponsored kids from this area, bringing them to suburbia, Long Island, middle class homes, kind of like the Fresh Air Fund or like being like a Big Brother/ Big Sisters, Mentoring these kids and being examples of living a Christian life, etc... But once we got into the whole Jewish family belief, what good works were being done or community involvements were being done by this group? No food pantry or outreach to the poor.The only thing was evangelism and a coffee house ministry.Why? To bring in more members, tithe and of course the additional 5% to finance the school, Bet El.And then we bought the very expensive house/ property in East Islip for Jack, Lou and then Gary, until Lou got thrown out. and replaced.And the family was told that Lou was a pathological liar. Did any of you youth ever ask what happened to Lou? He lived with Jack for many years.Was as committed as they come. Left his family and lived with Jack as either still in HS or at least right after.It was Jack and Lou. They were prayer partners.VERY CLOSE. What happened to that relationship? Gary?? Was three a crowd? Or does Jacl like them young and Lou was getting too old and Jack lost interest and now Gary was the new love.Did anyone ever explain why Lou was out and now shunned. Phil is a big wig but brother Lou was in the higher position and now Lou is just gone, no real explanation???? Anyway, back to the money. There was no generosity to any charitable causes for many years. But now there's all these non profits and businesses.REALLY?? Now all of a sudden the Vans are involved with sending trailers or containers to disasters to help. Where were they during Katrina, Joplin,or LI during Hurricaine Sandy??? Nowhere, All the checks going to NERT or Transmeditation in Colorado and all the others are fronts for money to support certain families.The people still in this were the biggest takers you would ever meet.This group did not fund or participate in any types of chariity work or ministries but move them to Maine and now they care about anyone other than themselves and the enrichment of some.You have to look at the past and the history. If it was all on the up and up, this would be shared and transparent. But no, everything is a secret. And the game I especially like is you ask a question and theydon't answer or start talking about nothing that has to do with the question you asked or just speak in circles.This art of deception was taught to them and they all say the same lines. They all studied the scripts well.They think we're all idiots. They forget that we were involved back in the day and we know their games.We,re not outsiders and more importantly. WE'RE NOT STUPID! If any of them had any critical thinking skills, they wouldn't still be involved.But they aren't capable of thinking for themselves.

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    7. Some of that is part of the discussion. I won’t address other parts because I think it would be Lashon Ha-Ra for me to do that and there is no value in it anyway. I think I understand your frustrations about (and fears for) people in the family Here are some topics I was thinking about. A discussion about the “Pedersen Leader” might be of interest. “Simply” brought up Pedersen a few times and although I think much of his analytical method has been found to be fatally flawed -- for almost half a century now -- some of his intuition and insight is valuable. Plus we’re in 2015CE, not 800BCE, and I would like to be forward-looking. To me a leader is someone whose soul draws others by its integrity and strong content that creates success. When the situation requires a more formally established leadership – then there is a danger of leadership losing its grounding in the free exchange of soul. The leader may fail or worse (for him or her), become a leader that takes and demands rather than gives and supports. Also there are the topics of Tikkun Olam and Tzedakah: There are people in the family and also people who have left the family who I admire because of their commitment and passion for helping and healing in a variety of ways, sometimes in very simple ways. There’s nothing wrong with diversity of ideas about what to do. We don’t all agree and that’s healthy. The topics of transparency in projects and freedom of choice in tithing are important and there are a variety of thoughts. I don’t think any of it belongs on this thread. “Simply” provided other threads with some good starts on important topics. I’m not really sure what belongs on an internet blog at all though. Some things may be useful; some things belong in face to face discussions. I had a weird thought: what if you and I are the same person from Argentina who just read about the family on the internet? We’re not, but it makes me wonder a little about this kind of blog.

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    8. I don't understand the Argentina reference?

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    9. That Argentina statement and most of what evytr613 posted is typical "Family" BS. Off topic and talking in circles. I really don't know why he even posts. If you aren't searching or questioning things about the cult you belong to and you're all in and good with it all, if you're curious about the past, then just read the blog. It's useless to try to defend this cult because all who were hurt by this group are just sharing their reality and the reality and truth of what happened, what continued to happen and what is still happening. So we aren't interested in hearing about your admiration of cult members' work of healing and helping. Diversity of ideas about what to do and not all agreeing is healthy is fine on some subjects but when it involves sexual or child abuse, "tithe" money enriching the chosen few families behind dishonest made up non profit charitable companies then it's not a matter of opinion, IT'S Wrong and ILLEGAL!! And all this has nothing to do with God. The lack of moral conduct isn't debatable. It's downright wrong. This blog is to expose the truth about the family and Jack. So stop wondering about the blog and what subjects should be discussed. It's about transparency. We will blog whatever the hell we feel we need to blog and not allow cult members ' blog lies go unchallenged. There is an Internet now so there's no more secrets. We are telling all.

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  12. at the risk of sounding preachy or self righteous let me refer you to this link, psalm 37.
    http://www.usccb.org/bible/psalms/37/
    My friend would tell me in simple terms, if there was a god then no bad or evil would occur or be in the world. I'd say that we are not in heaven, but in a place of free will.
    the sun shines on the good and evil.

    Years ago we (those that left) found that jackie was a liar. he convinced other Lutheran ministers to go along with him, on the early part of that path, he showed them the money.
    jackie got people to come from all over. (no pun intended)
    it must still be difficult for the leaders to deal with his mortality and death.
    jackie was not the first and he won't be the last to construct a tribal group in a free society. we have free association, some would have jumped off a cliff if jackie said too, indeed, many did by going to the outer limits so the family construct could be nurtured as it was, and all based on jackie's lies.

    the small part of the picture is about you. while the leaders may not be guilty by association, they still are responsible. they knew about crimes that should have been reported to the authorities, they said nothing, that makes them an accessory t the crime. by saying nothing or thinking they handled it. this was in the community agreement spelled out.
    in the bigger picture i'll look at the psalm i put here, this talks about how God does hold people accountable. sometimes sooner, sometimes later.
    the leadership knows about all the bad stuff, they moved the hush money around, and those that took it, it is sticking in their craw. looking back at it, i'm sure they would have done things different.
    there is no reason to stay in it (family), because it is a lie. we all thought we found the pot of gold back in the 70's. we believed a pathological, sinister child molesting liar. i'm not making this crap up.
    the money must be good, really good, why else would the leadership sell their souls to claim authority and control over all of you.
    reject them, its not perfect out here, but its real, not like there.

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